04 Apr How to get through a divorce in your 30s
We asked Divorce Coach Megan Holgate to talk us through the three steps you need to take when a relationship has failed.
If you find yourself navigating Divorce during your 30’s, I understand how painful this can be. However, just remember you have loved and lost, rather than never loved at all!
Research by relationships Australia, confirms that one year following separation the average woman’s income drops by 42%. With statistics such as this preparation for your successful future is a pre-requisite. As a divorce coach, when friends, colleagues or clients begin to navigate the unknown world of divorce and come to me for advice, I begin with what I feel to be the three pinnacles to achieving an empowering and successful divorce – empowering because you’ll start to take control of your life and your future, and successful because you’ll ensure you don’t come out the other side of the divorce second best!
1. Legal & Financials
Even if you have amicably separated and are on the best terms with your ex, I would highly advise meeting a Lawyer to ensure you are not overlooking any important financial details. If on the other hand the separation is anything but amicable, with the added stress of children, ensure you hire the best and I mean ‘The Best Lawyer’ for you and your situation. Shop around, don’t accept anybody’s recommendation, meet with more than one lawyer, to ensure you feel confidant and comfortable with your selection. Who you hire to be your divorce lawyer, can be the biggest investment in your future you may ever undertake as this decision and outcome will affect your children’s lives in so many different ways. I cannot reiterate the impact on getting this decision right.
2. Confidence check
Understanding your marriage, your most intimate relationship, has come to end is at times not an easy undertaking. For many of us, this ending can kill our confidence and self-esteem. If you know you need help in this area, hire a divorce coach to work with you to rebuild your confidence to ensure it’s in peak condition. Your confidence is integral during a divorce, as you will be making life-changing decisions so you must be strong, confident and not waiver when making crucial decisions.
Editors note: to chat with Megan, head to here.
3. Focus only on your future!
Whatever happened during your marriage to enable you to arrive at the destination of divorce, it doesn’t matter. It truly does not matter if your husband/wife slept with a 100 men or women during your divorce or if he or she has run off with the nanny or simply you fell out of love. What matters is your future and/or your children’s future. The future is where your attention should be focused on, as sharply as a sniper in the middle of a war. What I am trying to scream out is to think strategically by looking forward. Think of the extraordinary life you want to live, how you will feel living this life and start creating it right now! By knowing how you want your life, you can then begin to make this vision a reality through creating strategies to achieve this life, step by step. When you begin to look forward you will begin to leave your past relationship and marriage where it belongs, in the past, and start to move towards where you need to be – your future!
The changes that can occur during our divorces can, at times, create imbalances in our thought processes that reverberate, rippling through all areas of our lives, eradicating any semblance of common sense. At times, our focus and judgments can become blurred, which is a polite way of saying that divorce can at times make us feel unhinged. Logical thinking & sensible decision making are drowned in a whirlpool of emotional pain, making us unable to look beyond today, as everything else is simply too difficult. That’s why it is essential you remain grounded, contained, and focused on the future, not looking back over your past with pity or reliving ‘what could have been.’
Remaining calm and in control is pivotal, to ensure that you make sound and logical decisions for your future, which is where your focus should be – ‘your future.’
As Nelson Mandela said, ‘There is no passion to be found playing small, in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living. Never settle.’
About Megan Holgate
Megan Holgate is a proud parent and passionate divorce and life coach, based between Byron Bay and Sydney. Megan became a divorce coach after walking away from her corporate career within the financial markets of London, Hong Kong and Sydney. Megan has experienced many personal tragedies that at times were soul destroying. Megan survived and thrived through these dark and difficult times, emerging out in the brighter side of life with a solid belief to help others. Find her at meganholgate.com