How to turn a rejection into a positive

Whilst it would be nice to always ‘win’ at life there are some times when we unfortunately don’t, and it often comes in the form of rejection.

Now, nobody likes rejection and that’s ok but rather than letting it get us down we can use rejection to motivate us, to give us the fire in the belly we need to get back up and go at it again. You see, the thing with rejection is that it’s pretty much a free lesson in life, an insight into how we can be doing things differently.

It’s not personal

The very first thing with rejection is to not take it personally. Easier said then done, yes, but not impossible. It’s natural that the first feelings that come to our core are those of not being good enough, embarrassment and sometimes shame. Whether it’s rejection in love or business, it’s the other pieces of the puzzle that don’t fit – not  you.

If a guy says he’s just not that into you, that doesn’t make you worthless, unattractive or unlovable. It simply means he has a certain type that isn’t you and that really is ok. Think about it: how many times have you had a guy who is keen on you and they haven’t been your type. It was never personal, it was your personal preference, that’s all.

In business if you are unsuccessful (or, if you want to be harsh, rejected) from a role that doesn’t mean you are not smart enough, not worthy or not good enough. It simply means someone else was a better fit for the role at that particular time and again, that is ok.

You can get mad and upset and quit your job or be a spiteful, revengeful bitch… or you can look at where you can better yourself, not for the guy who said you weren’t his type or for the boss you said not this time but for yourself.

Self development, growing and learning is what makes us thrive, it’s what gives us the confidence to take knock backs and use them to become even better versions of ourselves (hard to believe as we’re all pretty awesome as we are).

Finally the thing with not taking it personally is because just like Dr Steve Maraboli said – “Every time I thought I was being rejected form something good, I was actually being redirected to something better.”

Be curious

Having spent 10 years in recruitment I had to do a lot of rejecting and it wasn’t always a great feeling knowing that I was crushing peoples dreams of their dream job. However I made a point of never just saying you were unsuccessful but really taking the time to give them feedback as to where they fell short and more importantly how they could improve for future interviews. If you’re not getting feedback then straight out ask for it. If you don’t then you have wasted your opportunity to better yourself.

Even in relationships when something breaks down and you don’t understand why, rather than being hysterical or angry, be curious. Find out why. What was it that wasn’t great? If you’re told you are closed off and guarded or even too clingy, these are all areas you can work on. Sometimes we don’t often realise we posses a certain behaviour until we’re made aware of it.

Fuel the fire

Rejection burns like hell but rather than letting it destroy you, let it fuel you. Be motivated to keep your head up and keep going. Keep putting yourself out there till you find your Mr Perfect, keep working on being good damn employee and don’t shy away from applying for role. I once applied for a role three times before I got it. Looking back I now know that I had got it on the first shot I wouldn’t have been as successful as I was when I got it on the third. The amount of experience and knowledge I developed in that year between was invaluable to my success in that role.

Ultimately you can be the person who gets knocked down and doesn’t get back up or you can be the one who is seen for being determined and resilient because with each rejection in life they grow and they learn, there is no stopping them.

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Sali Sasi
sali@poppyrenegade.com


 

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